Tag Archives: free

Uncomplicate

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This past weekend was one of those happy-exhausting blurs of laughter that you don’t want to end yet simultaneously can’t wait for it to be over so you can sleep!

It was a much-needed celebration—officially off of work for 2 weeks YAASSSSS. But also…and more importantly believe it or not, it was a celebration of living in the present.

Let me explain: I feel like I’ve lived my whole life living in the future—planning and plotting and manipulating every situation to best fit the needs of my impending blueprint. I will definitely shy away from some of the blame and say that my parents have always been quite…pressuring. However, I’ve placed a lot of that pressure on myself and as a result, there have really only been small windows in which I’ve let myself enjoy the moment—without thinking about the next 5 minutes, 5 weeks, or 5 years.

When I travel, I live for the present—I eat without thinking about carbs and I breathe in the sunsets without thinking about writing my next novel. When I graduated from UH, I lived for the present—I decided to skip commencement entirely and drink beer on the beach without thinking about the sand on my borrowed robe or getting my PhD. These are the happiest moments of my life and yet…it takes extreme effort to be able to shut my mind off and live that way. To think about what I want NOW instead of what my family/friends/future-self want down the road… It sounds absurd.

Saturday morning, I treated my best friend’s little brother to brunch for his 21st and around mimosa #3, he said something so funny and wise that I had to write it down before the champagne made me forget: “Alysha, you remind me of the rabbit fwhiterabbitrom Alice in Wonderland. Never has anywhere to go but always in a hurry.” I laughed my ass off—he’s right! I am on constant GO-GO-GO! mode and there’s just no reason for it…

It would be foolish to say, “So I’m done with that way of thinking. I’m going to live in the present from now on.” No. That’s not what I’m saying. I’m Type A. I’m an ENTJ. I know that I can’t change the way I am—I love planning! I love list-making! I love bossing people around and making decisions and getting things to go my way. BUT. I also love when someone or something slows all of that down and just, simply: Makes. Me. Happy.

Sometimes you have to take a breath and choose to uncomplicate your life—choose the path that makes you feel free. Light-hearted. Giddy. Happy—the most basic form of happy—not “Oh my goodness this will fit so well into my 5-year plan” kind of happy. NOT the “My parents will love this” kind of happy. NOT the “WWFAS: What would future Alysha say?” kind of happy. I’m talkin’ the right here, right now, I’m smiling and all I want to do is keep smiling kind of happy…I want to be this kind of happy always.

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So yes, “live in the present” and “do what makes you happy” and blah blah blah. But also…realize that you can’t change who you are, but you can change how you think about your happiness… I caught myself choosing what my future thought it wanted. If that makes any sense. I caught myself and I turned it around. I feel like I can breathe. I feel like I’m traveling. I feel like I’m drinking beer in Kailua, wearing my sandy, borrowed robe. I feel so simple-happy.

 

Libre

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Things move a little more slowly here. But not in the annoying, nothing-gets-done, “island time” Hawaii fashion. More of a relax, be happy, love people, eat pan and drink vino kind of slow. I am obsessed to say the least. Don’t get me wrong, people love other people in places outside of Spain…but not the same way. And people eat bread and drink wine in those places too…but not in the same way. People relax and people are happy…well, maybe not. Not in the same way, which is the best way.

People here…are seriously the nicest, happiest people I’ve ever encountered. The lifestyle, the culture…is amazing. Taking naps and eating every few hours is simply normal because it eliminates stress. To them, there is no other way. Wake up before 8—why? Wait to drink any alcohol until nighttime—why? Go to the gym—why not just ride horses for a bit and swim a few laps in the pool? Diet? Never. Why not just have one piece of bread with dinner instead of the usual four? Work 8-5? No way! They work the hours that they’ll be most productive—which also means they take a large break in the middle of the day. So 9-2 and 5-8, roughly. Or whatever they feel like that day.

Everyone kisses, which made me uncomfortable at first. In Hawaii, it’s easy to handle because only some people do it and it’s always on one cheek, usually not even touching the lips to the cheek anyway. And in Texas, it’s only with Hispanic close friends or family. But here—EVERYONE, and I mean everyone, kisses you (as in full mouth contact) on both cheeks. “Es Ali-Cha,” (we’re still working on how to say my name), “Es Americana!” is said to the grocery store cashier, the maid, the gardener, the doctor, and every other random acquaintance, friend, family member, or passerby that we’ve come across. This is followed with a huge smile, a hug, and two giant kisses. After only a few days, I’ve gone from uncomfortable to loving it—especially when there are so many attractive men that seem to know my host family… The point is, they’re overflowing in a way that Americans don’t understand.

In the States, when we decide NOT to eat or drink, it’s because a) we want to save money, b) we don’t want to get fat, c) we don’t want to get drunk, or d) we don’t want to be sleepy. In Spain, saving money is not a priority, “fat” means extremely obese (everything else is curvy and sexy), getting drunk is never a bad thing, and if you’re sleepy—nap! There is never a good reason not to have one more beer or one more bite of paella. Trust me, I tried. They are very convincing. Oh, red wine is good for me? You’re right, I’ve heard that, sure I’ll take my fourth glass. Oh, it’s tradition to have rum at the end of the night? Well, I don’t want to break tradition. Oh, this restaurant serves the best ice cream in town? Ok, I guess I have to order dessert then. And so on.

We are obsessed with working, becoming rich, famous, or remembered. We are obsessed with exercising, dieting, looking better than everyone else, and doing whatever it takes to stay young. We are obsessed with the material. We are obsessed with ourselves, really. In Spain, the word beauty is understood and used in its intended format. Generosity is everywhere, compliments are constantly oozing out of every mouth, affection and appreciation are never concealed but rather lavished. I haven’t seen a single argument. Not even a frown, come to think of it. If you love someone, you tell them, immediately, in that moment, even if it’s every two minutes. If you want to touch them, you do. In fact, most people don’t stop touching. And yet, somehow, they are not “showy” in the way that most Americans are. For example, my host family is filthy rich but they all wear the traditional plain gold wedding bands, no diamond. People work for them, but not beneath them. They are not “too good” for anything or anyone. They are open books—what do you want to know? Sharing, divulging, honesty, having no shame—these are all part of love—and they love everyone.

Americans hide everything—every emotion, every thought, every little detail that could possibly, one day, maybe be embarrassing or awkward or expose any part of our true selves. We are the land of the free, but we do not live freely, the way they do here.

Libre: I wish I could bring this word and everything that comes with it back home.