After receiving a few random comments, suggestions, lectures, rants, drunken statements, serious girl talks, life stories, and in-a-nutshellsâall on the same questions (How do you know itâs a date? How do you know youâre dating someone? When should it be official?)âI decided to record some of these nuggets of wisdom. People my age, older people, younger people, and yes, my 7th grade students, have given me their opinion (some prompted, some not). Read on if youâd like some clarity (or more confusion) on all your love life wonderings.
âYour dress only has one sleeve. Itâs a date.â
âIf you don’t order a cab, or in some cases the bus, for the person to leave at the end of the night, it’s a date. When your landlord asks for your dateâs rent check, it should be official.â
âI would consider it dating when a guy tells you he wants to buy you a horse.â Smartass.
âWhen I go home and wait for them to call. When we text all day.â
âItâs a date if he pays, kisses you, or tries to feel you up. At least one of the three.â
âYouâre dating if youâre not sleeping with other people. No wait, thatâs if itâs official. No wait, what?â
âFacebook, itâs all about the Facebook relationship status. Ohhh, you guys arenât even friends on Facebook? Ouch. Thatâs not dating. Thatâs not even friendship.â
âWell, I mean, if she lets you hold her hand all week, everywhere you go.â
âWhen the whole school knows, so itâs like, really known or whatever.â
âItâs like when I let her wear my hat and she lets me wear her silly bands. Thatâs like, not something you do for just anybody.â
âWhen Ms. Mendez even knows youâre going out, and sheâs all âTell your boyfriend to do his poetry packet!â itâs like DANG, youâre really going out, yaâ know?â
Mom: âA date is when the guy calls you and asks you out and he pays the check. It was just a date if you didn’t have fun, laugh, talk, and laugh some more. When you have enough in common to want to see the same person again, and again, and again, this is dating but can be done with more than one person. Exclusive dating is when two people realize they’re not seeing anyone else and don’t want to see anyone else. It’s âofficialâ when you realize itâs exclusive and it’s unspoken that itâs exclusiveâthere is no timeline on this. Could take a month, could take six months. It’s seriously âofficialâ when it is spoken that you are exclusive. Love finds you when you least expect it. Always be smiling, and always wear earrings when you leave the houseâyou never know who your audience is!â
Dad: âPoop in one hand and wish in the other. See which one fills up first.â I feel like this is actually pretty helpful. Think about it. If youâre having to wish for something to be a date, or dating, or âofficial,â that probably means something isnât quite right. You shouldnât have to really wish that hard, if both people want the same things, are on the same page. No one wants poop in their hand.
Ironically, Dad gave me another piece of dating advice one time that had to do with feces. He said, âYou better get out of the shit before your shoes get dirty.â It was very profound at the time. Shit and love life seem to go together nicely, metaphorically speaking that is.
If this doesnât make things more clear, I donât know how to help you. My dad or I could probably come up with a new poop expression to better fit your needs though. All you have to do is ask.