Tag Archives: creative writing

The Button

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If you had just taken that damn tag off of your button, maybe we wouldn’t be here, two years later, still splitting sour beers and smoking in your truck and kissing eagerly after a week of not talking. What a cycle we started, almost immediately. It’s almost laughable—what a witty piece I could write—almost. I could be sarcastic and flirty and go the whole Cosmo article route and shrug this all off as an unfortunate series of events—oh how I wish I could do that and end it all with something like, “At least I still have wine, am I right ladies?”

But I can’t do that. We’re so past the silly, ridiculous point of me being able to do that. Now we’re here and I’m split and splintered and shattered and suffering and every heart-wrenching s-word you can think of; I am that.

I think about that button a lot though, and how it was cold that night and I saw a tiny glint of white silk popping out of your collared shirt.

“Did you buy a new shirt for our first date?” I asked coyly.

“What? No…” you looked down and pulled your jacket to the side and noticed the white. “Oh. I thought you were supposed to leave these on.” You toyed with the small tag around the middle button.

“What?!” I was incredulous—half on purpose, half actually incredulous. “Of course you’re not supposed to leave it on!” I laughed and took another sip of the sour beer you’d bought us, pretending to like it.

“Well take it off then,” you said, leaning towards me. I knew I liked you then, after only 15 minutes, because if I didn’t, I would have scoffed and told you to do it yourself. But instead I leaned closer to you than necessary and took off the button tag more slowly than necessary, smiling up at you as if I was fixing your tie for the hundredth time.

If only every human came with a list of warnings, like medicine does.

Male, aged 30 years. Much like the bullshit biblical figure he is named for, Adam is amazing at reaping all of the benefits of the earth while his companion sins and is blamed and undergoes great hardship. He will be messier than any person you’ve ever met, yet he will not trust your dishwasher and will re-wash every dish and glass offered to him. He prefers dinner no earlier than 10PM and he will never try to not wake you up when he gets up earlier than you, flicking the bathroom light on before shutting the door like some sort of animal. He will introduce you as a friend and he will smell so good, but he will never, ever know how to communicate. He will be the first person you want to tell things to and you will always want to feel the tiny gray hairs hidden on his head but he will be absent when you most need his Tejano music and giant breakfasts and giggly existential conversations so you will be forced to tell someone else all the things.

Consult your therapist before accepting this human into your life, as this is not the suggested course of action for all willing participants. Side effects may include love, regret, heartbreak, death, or in some cases, all of the above.

Let’s be real though, I still would’ve taken that pill—I still would’ve leaned toward that stupid, fucking collared shirt. That’s what we all do, right? We’re warned and warned and warned—every day, about everything! And we still do almost everything that “could be” harmful or “could be” dangerous or “could be” the worst decision of our life. You could’ve been the best decision of my life. And now you’re just last night. Now you’re just text on a page. A button in a whole box of buttons.

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Get Over Yourself

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Originally published in the San Francisco Book Review – October issue.

October2014SFBR-page-001October2014SFBR-page-002

 Get Over Yourself: What My Students Taught Me
 

“Miss, get back to me when you’re Dr. Seuss famous.”

That was one of the first reactions I received when I told my 100 7th grade students that I was publishing a novel.

The main piece of congratulations I got from my squirrelly middle schoolers was: “Will you share the money with us?!” Ha.

As per usual, my hooligans who I spend all day with keep me in check.

They will never allow me to take myself too seriously and thank goodness for that. No one likes that pretentious-never-smiling writer who goes around constantly sighing about how their agent and editor just “don’t see eye to eye.” Oh please.

I make a living telling kids to capitalize and spit out their gum. I write on the side. I get two sad paychecks a month, break up two fights a year, and hand out maybe two stickers a day. I write on the side.

In case you don’t have a clear enough picture of my glamorous life yet, this was the simultaneous response of almost every class when I began with “I have some great news…”:
“YOU’RE PREGNANT?!?!”

That, as you can imagine, made the news of my novel seem quite arbitrary. Oh, our teacher isn’t having a baby out of wedlock? Well then we don’t really care.

Yeah.

I’m not going to lie, as a self-published author, it’s easy to get caught up in Twitter followers, Facebook likes, WordPress reblogs, Goodreads ratings, and Amazon reviews. It’s even easier to get lost in the black hole of “refreshing” the Kindle and CreateSpace sales pages.

That’s what I have my darling pre-teens for. They may irk me with their constant struggle of “Is a lot really two words, Miss?” but they definitely, DEFINITELY teach me to get over myself.

You can’t be a cliché snobby writer AND break up spit ball invasions. You can’t be a cliché snobby writer AND secretly bribe a student with chocolate before school to kill a classroom cockroach. You can’t be a cliché snobby writer AND calmly tell a student to stop making “sexual noises” during the state standardized test. And you definitely, definitely can’t be a cliché snobby writer AND keep a straight face when a student asks you, “Miss, why do all white people like to rhyme all the time?”

I think every author out there truly needs someone (or hundreds of mini-someones) to keep them humble. I’m sure even J.K. Rowling has a bubble-burster. Probably someone who gloats to her about Avatar doubling the sales of every Harry Potter film. But seriously, where would we be without these parade-rainers?

Granted, there are different types of these “antagonists”. Not everyone can be as lucky as me—mine are cute and almost impossible to stay angry with (I said almost). My students make fun of me for not being married and then, in the next breath, accidentally call me Mom. They make fun of my clothes and then, a minute later, they’re hugging me or begging me to read their poem or asking if I’ll be at their soccer game. But trust me, I have the more evil-type-naysayers as well. I like to call them h8ters or swag-less (my students may or may not have taught me those words).

These Negative Nancys are necessary, I’m telling you! You don’t want to end up ALONE, smoking a pipe in front of a fireplace, wearing only wool argyle, and refusing to speak to anyone but your typewriter (because no one else deserves your esteemed attention). NO! Also, you don’t want to end up an alcoholic-addict-suicide-Hemingway type. I mean, being Hemingway would be cool…but you know what I mean. Don’t take yourself seriously. Ever. You’ll lose something. And in turn, your writing will lose something. And then you’ll lose your readers. Boom. Is your mind blown?

While you may not be walking around the halls of your employment wearing dry erase marker streaks on your white dress, I encourage you to find your own path to absurdity. If your life isn’t a joke, you’re not a writer.

I leave you with the best student reaction to my book cover: “Miss…is that a picture of what you wish you had, but you’ve like…never had and will never have?” Burn, kid. Burn.

So hey, writers out there, remember: get over yourself!

Signed GIVEAWAY!

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Book Giveaway

 

Win a signed copy of THE WAITING ROOM!!!

All you have to do is like my author Facebook page 🙂

Once I reach 500 likes (I’m so close!) all names will be entered in the giveaway.

The Waiting Room

 

 

 

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6th Country to Review: ENGLAND:)

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Youngest reviewer yet- and probably my favorite review yet! This girl can write, check it out:

Kimberley John

Image courtesy of alyshakaye.wordpress.comImage courtesy of alyshakaye.wordpress.com

Texan teacher and upcoming author Alysha Kaye has written a short novel which will definitely make you question everything you believe in. That’s exactly what happened to me, and I am so glad it did.

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KTSW 89.9 On-Air Interview!

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KTSW

In the San Marcos, TX area? Listen live this Thursday at 5:30 PM! I’ll be talking about THE WAITING ROOM, releasing July 1, live on-air KTSW 89.9.

Not a Central Texan? No problem! KTSW offers various streaming options.

They also have a blog, Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube channel.

 

When I was going to Texas State, I was actually a news reporter for KTSW! So this experience will be bizarre not only because being on the radio makes me extremely nervous, but also because I’ll be in my old stomping grounds…feeling old.

The support I’ve received from my alma maters (Texas State and University of Hawaii) has been amazing. Both schools have posted about my upcoming novel on their Facebook pages, Twitter accounts, and even their main websites. It’s been incredible.

So thank you KTSW, for this opportunity! Pretty sure most KTSW San Marvelous listeners are students and probably not around since it’s sweet summertime, but hopefully this will still help spread the word 🙂

Listen in and cross your fingers that I don’t sound like too much of a bumbling idiot! 5:30PM, CST, KTSW 89.9.

Another review is in! Results?

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Another review is in! Another 4 STARS!

Check out this awesome blogger: her reviews are pretty great!

"We know not what we may be."

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Title: The Waiting Room

Author: Alysha Kaye

Publisher: Self-published

Publication date: July 1, 2014

Author’s twitter / Author’s blog / Author’s website

Alysha Kaye is an author and English teacher from Texas who provided me with a copy of her upcoming book in exchange for an honest review. As an English teacher myself, I felt an obligation to support her in her novelistic endeavor – plus, her book sounded amazing. So without further ado, here are my thoughts on The Waiting Room, which turned out to be an absolute delight to read.

First, a brief summary from the author’s website:

Jude and Nina are the epitome of that whole raw, unflinching love thing that most people are jealous of. That is, until Jude dies and wakes up in The Waiting Room, surrounded by other souls who are all waiting to pass over into their next life. But unlike those…

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Review #5 for THE WAITING ROOM

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“I don’t think there’s a soul that has walked this earth and not wondered what happens after we die, and whether we will get to see our loved ones once we pass on, and that alone made me really love the topic of the book.”
5th review of THE WAITING ROOM, coming all the way from Australia:)
Thanks a million to this wonderful blogger- check out her page!