Misguided Ambition


photo cred rebloggy.com

My dad drove us to San Antonio a couple days ago and we talked about…life. That’s kind of how me and my dad are—we either talk about ridiculous, trivial things like, I don’t know, “Decent Honey Mustard and Where To Buy It” OR super deep topics that stick with me forever like, “The Time A Man Died In My Arms.” We don’t have much of an in-between. Fart jokes or how mistakes can shape your future. The importance of washing your vehicle or the importance of family, friendship, and love.

So when careers and ambition came up, it started off as Dad casually listing every job he’s ever had (before, during, and after his 31 years in the Coast Guard). It was like a game—because the things he’s done are absurd. They sound like pure fiction. Movie-stuff.

Mowed lawns|Ranch laborer|Roofer|Tugboat oiler|Rode rodeo|Convenient store night manager|Seaman|Wrestler…yes, wrestler. I’ve seen the photos. Don’t tell him I wrote this, it’s supposed to be a family secret hahaha|EMT|Boat coxswain|Aviation structural mechanic|Search and rescue air crewman|Special agent|Chief warrant officer|Bailiff

Yeah, now you get it. Like, I’m sorry, what? How have you been all of those things? How have I never heard the word “coxswain” before? And how many people out there have had this many titles in one lifetime?

What I really started realizing though was—wow…Dad has done SO much in his life, traveled to SO many places, saved lives, earned awards—but his true happiness came from marrying my mom. Kind of crazy, right? To think that all those sappy cards, cheesy movies, and romance novels are *gasp* RIGHT about LOVE being the true purpose of life?! Ahhhhhh my life is a lie!

Except, oh yeah, that’s right, I’ve been a hopeless, disgusting romantic since maybe…second grade? I’ve always wanted the meet-cute, the traveling the world hand-in-hand, the poppin’ out babies…you know, that whole gross thing. When asked my CAREER AMBITIONS and LIFE GOALS I say things like, “I want to publish another novel and travel to a new country every year. Maybe get my PhD. Maybe teach college one day instead of high school.” And then in my head, I add, “Meet a lovely man and have a giant family and a really noisy house.”

My ambition has been a little misguided over the years. I think it’s a generational thing. Our parents had no problem stating their goals of settling down. They are content with “average lives” because that means love, family, friends—bliss. They have no qualms with “ordinary” or “mediocre.” This means happiness. Whereas my generation sees a conventional life as a failure—you’re not rich, you’re not famous, history books won’t talk about you, you’re not a household name, you didn’t shake the world? Oh, well then you’re a disappointment.

Everyone my age wants to be EVERYONE’s everything, instead of “settling” for being someone’s everything. It’s kind of sad. And it’s weird because we admit it, freely. I would LOVE for my novel to take off one day, landing me a publishing deal that I could skate on for a lifetime, sipping coffee by the beach and typing a few pages a day.

But do we really believe THAT’S what will lead to fulfillment? I think it’s far too easy to get caught up in that line of thinking—solely focusing on how to make your life more meaningful, exciting, memoir-worthy—constantly comparing yourself to “the average Joe.”

Having ambition is amazing—it shows confidence, it proves work-ethic, it displays creativity—it’s sexy. But if you let career ambition define you…and nothing else…what will you have when you’re wrinkly, sick…dying?

If all I ever have “to show for my life” (ugh, even that expression is a terrible tactic used to make people feel bad about…what exactly?) is a few students who thank me or a guy who digs my quirks and flaws or a kid who calls me Grandma and likes to read my old poetry notebooks, I’ll be pretty damn happy. That kid might be the last person to ever even remember my existence, but that’s OK, as long as I’ll be able to say that I did what I loved (I wrote, I taught, I traveled) and I loved who I wanted to love and they loved me back.

18 responses »

  1. Alysha,
    Great post! You are absolutely right about happiness. I don’t understand how the ‘secret of life’ is such a great secret. Happiness. That’s it. That’s everything.

    My career has quite a few similarities as your dad, although he certainly tops mine! I’d like to think that I’ve saved lives and made positive differences in the lives of others. I’ve also struggled. I’ve been married and divorced twice, been the victim of domestic abuse, and have dealt with depression. My life turned around when I met my (third) wife. It’s as if life before her never existed. She makes me incredibly, wonderfully happy. I’ve certainly found the secret to my life.

  2. Great blog!! I truly do think that this generation is about making other people happy, instead of focusing on what’s really important. I love having those deep conversations with my mom as well! Enjoy the bond you two have 🙂

  3. I’m so glad your name popped up in my notifications today because it brought me here to this. I love this, you hit the nail right on the head. Looking forward to reading more 🙂

  4. Hey Alysha! Thank you for this post. As I think back through my own jobs (corn detassler, pizza maker, weigh room manager, office helper, bartender, telemarketer, and teacher), my best jobs are currently father and husband. We live in the middle of no where, have chickens running around, a teenaged daughter who thinks her parents are clueless, yet we make it all work. Is it perfect, probably not. However, is it what we need right now? Absolutely. The next chapter is coming soon, but this is the chapter we are in, and it’s a pretty darn good one.

    Thank you for reminding me of that! 🙂

  5. Loved this post, Alysha. You’re absolutely right. If we, as teachers and/or writers can have a positive effect on one other life, then our own life has been meaningful and worthwhile. And what a great role model you have in your dad.Keep doing what you’re doing. And I can vouch for just how special it is to have someone call you Grandma – it’s the best. 🙂

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